Do Your Ancestors Speak Through You?

notes on spiritual downloads.

I wanna know if y’all have experienced this. I cannot be the only one, right? Basically, in reconnecting with my ancestors, I’ve just been peeping that I say things in conversations or I have these realizations in my own solitude, that literally get confirmed by my ancestors days later. It’s the strangest thing. Is that a thing?

For example, I recall being in the thick of my spiritual awakening in the beginning. But at the time, I wasn’t aware that this was even an awakening. One night as I was in my apartment balling my eyes out, I vividly remember saying to myself, “I need to believe in something greater than me because I am losing my mind.”

I also realized that I was a perfectionist and had control issues that make it increasingly difficult for me to surrender and let go. Then, another random download that came to me was this relationship between constant logic and colonization. I experienced such an ethereal, otherworldly connection that did not make logical sense and it made me uncomfortable. But then, I started thinking: why does everything in life have to be super logical and analytical? Why can’t I experience connections and encounters that don’t make any sense?

A couple days later, I randomly just get this urge to explore my birth chart. It was real random, y’all. I knew a lot about astrology— the basic stuff. But I never thought to explore the houses on my birth chart. Suddenly, I wanted to understand those houses out of nowhere. The first house I wanted to look at was my North Node. That had always been my favorite birth chart placement to explore. I loved that it gave me the cheat code to figuring out my life destiny and my path. Your girl went on AstroSeek and seen that it was in my 12th house. Quickly, I go on YouTube and research the meaning behind this. And what do you know? These are all themes of learning how to surrender, go with the flow, and trust my intuition. The 12th house is ruled by Pisces— with themes of spirituality, psychic abilities, intuition, mental health, healing, illusions, compassion, creativity, and meditation. My South Node (qualities I had in a past life) was in the sister sign of Virgo, meaning I was used to being perfect, following strict routines, and being in control. I was used to constantly moving off logic, instead of believing in the unknown. This spooked me. Because… was this a confirmation from my ancestors? Were they guiding me and confirming what I was learning by myself all along? That same day, I also felt this urge to watch some random YouTube video on my For You page where Dr. Marimba Ani is breaking down the way in which White people have always demonized Black people for making heart decisions and using our connection to our ancestors to guide us. She went into the concept of logic vs. intuition. The tangible vs. the unknown. Spooky.

Here’s another example: walking out of work, the sight of a raven caught my attention. It was flying down from the sky. So beautiful that I stood there and looked at it with admiration. I never see ravens in the Philly area. Feeling a nudge to research the symbolism behind it, I read that ravens are confirmations of divine guidance and a connection to the spiritual world. They serve as reassurance that your ancestors are around you. I took note of this. Later that day, as I’m on the phone with someone, I ask them what animal do they believe would describe them best. They tell me, and for some reason… I say a Panda would be mine. A Panda?, I thought. What in the world would make you say that as opposed to your favorite animal? It just didn’t make sense to me, but I went with it. Couple hours after that, I say in my head that I need to begin making an ancestral altar with the tools that I had.

The very next day, I randomly decide to click on this Pick A Card reading I had seen on YouTube. I was excited to finally see a Pick A Card by a Black tarot reader. The card I chose revealed that my animal guides were a raven and a panda. What the hell?, I thought. No way this is real. Am I insane?

She then went on to say that Pandas are notorious for creating spaces that make them feel safe, noting that I was tasked with the goal of creating my own ancestral altar and a space dedicated to spiritual practices in my home. As for the raven? She says it indicates psychic abilities and confirmation that I’m connected to the spirit realm. When I tell y’all I got chills on my arms?

I later learned this was called a ‘spiritual download.’ This also came days after I kept saying I had this funny feeling that my ancestors were speaking through me. Me learning this information about these downloads served as confirmation to me. Then, I started thinking: if I come to these realizations on my own and they always get confirmed, why am I not trusting my intuition? Why do I keep doubting myself? My visions? My psychic abilities? Could it be fear that I’m just crazy or delusional? Could it be fear of my own power? Or is it just because this is all new for me, compared to my former self that was driven by hard facts, data, tangible evidence, and logic?

Hmm. Let me know if you’ve ever had this experience in the comments, y’all!